Season 3 Episode 5 episode 5

Who Says "Sex on a Stick"? New Spoilers for Season 3 Episode 5 "The First Time"!

Who Says "Sex on a Stick"? New Spoilers for Season 3 Episode 5 "The First Time"!

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UPDATE: New spoilers down below in bold!

The entertainment gurus are pre-screening next week's new Glee, "The First Time", so of course they're sharing some of the sexy stuff with us. You know, since episode 5 is all about sex.

Today I did a double-take when I saw Michael Ausiello of TV Line tweet this gem of a Glee-liner from Santana:

"It was like being smothered by a sweaty, out of breath sack of potatoes that somebody soaked in body spray."

As Bill and Ted would say, sex-cellent...! Oh, wait.

Of course Santana's talking about sex with Finn, which is an experience Rachel's about to dive right into. And according to Kristin Dos Santos of Watch with Kristin, it's definitely an experience Finchel and non-Finchel fans alike can look forward to:

"FINCHEL HOTNESS: (And yes, it deserves ALL CAPS!) If you haven't really been a fan of the Finn and Rachel dynamic in the past, you might just start rethinking things. Lea Michele and Cory Monteith's chemistry has never been better than in this episode, which, yes, centers around the couple weighing whether they want to sleep together for the first time. It is some of these actors' best work yet."

Ditto that above for the Klaine "HOTNESS". Yes, all caps.

Check out these fresh-new spoilers I gleaned from Kristin and Ausiello's advance reviews of season 3, episode 5, "The First Time":

  • Grant Gustin's new character, Sebastian will move in on Blaine (Darren Criss) with the hot pick-up line, "sex on a stick".
  • While there has been a lot of speculation that Will and Emma will be a part of the theme of "The First Time", Emma's not the teacher-virgin character we'll be delving into this episode - Coach Beiste is! Remember, her new football recruiter guy, Cooter (played by Eric Bruskotter) gets his first appearance.
  • Sue gets an "awesome" new nemesis.
  • The only thing really in the way of Kurt and Blaine getting it on? Kurt's "layers". Blaine, it's time for a wardrobe intervention.

  • Mike's parents return, and I'm getting the feeling his dad might just find out about Mike and his mom's secret pact.

  • This is the episode Kurt runs into Karofsky at the gay bar, and he's strangely...mellow. Huh. I hear this short scene between them should "fire up" those Kurt-and-Karofsky fans out there.
  • Artie (Kevin McHale) has this thought-provoking line of dialogue advice for Maria and Tony in their West Side Story: “How do you expect to convey the human experience to an audience when you haven’t even opened yourself up to one of humanity’s most basic and primal needs?” Bet you can guess where that leads....
  • Number 87 on Kurt's bucket list is: “To become CEO of Logo.”
  • Rachel (Lea Michele) and Santana (Naya Rivera) will perform, "A Boy Like That", with some Sebastian-flirting-up-Blaine scenes spliced in between. Followed by even more West Side Story numbers, since opening night will take place this episode (including an "amazing" rendition of "America" performed by Santana, Puck, Brittany, Quinn, and Mike).

  • The Warblers will perform Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl".

  • Some other dialogue snippets to look forward to (see if you can guess the characters!):

    "You're super hot."
    "I'm what they call a bear cub."
    "Hey, Kurt, let's just do it."
    "You take my breath away."
    "I'm going to give you something that no one else is going to get."
    "He didn't want me."

  • There's a "heartbroken Finn" moment coming up right before "Finchelcourse" (now my new favorite word, thanks Ausiello!), as Finn gets some bad news regarding his plans after high school (uh-oh!). But the good news is that Finn won't be the only one who's pleased - I hear the sexy scenes are tastefully done. (We don't even get a Klaine smooch while Kurt and Blaine are doing it! Although they do share a "significant" one at some point this episode.)

And, ultimately, I hear that both couples will go through with "it". Your thoughts?

Sources: E! Online, TV Line, Michael Ausiello via Twitter, Entertainment Weekly